Today we expect our partner to be everything. In the words of every rom-com ever made, you are supposed to “complete” your partner. While this is a beautiful fantasy, the fact remains we are also individuals with our own aspirations and complications.
What’s Going On In Our Relationships Today?
The stress of modern living makes this even more complicated. In the past marriage and relationships seemed simpler and involved lower expectations. Traditions helped us to conform to roles that today we see as constricting and obsolete. But where too from here?
Today we are surrounded by amazing opportunities to express our personal identity and to make connections. We are expected to have a successful and fulfilling career, be a present and perfect parent to our children, be a loving and sexy partner to our spouse and be president of the school council – all before lunch-time.
Existential Crisis. The Thrill of Being Wicked!
Not only this, but we are also surrounded by the opportunities and temptations that technological interconnectivity offer us. We are easy prey to thoughts and opportunities for the novelty and thrill of transgression: infidelity; pornography addictions; web sex; online affairs; flirting on social media; emotional transgressions with work colleagues; are all too common and lead to crisis in our most important and intimate relationships.
Adding fuel to the fire, one in three adults will experience poor mental health in their life time. Depression, stress, alienation, addictions and anxiety also take their toll in eroding the goodwill and trust in relationships.
The Joys of Sex?
How do we keep romance and desire alive in committed relationships? Sex and intimacy problems can drive a wedge between otherwise happy couples. For many of us, our emotional needs can be met most powerfully through the intimacy of sex. What happens when one partner relies on pornography instead for their happy endings? Or they are too ashamed to express what they feel is lacking in their sex life? What if one partner suffers from sexual dysfunction and feels the shame of not being able to satisfy their love and life partner? Since we all relate to our sex drive differently there are many ways to commiunicate our desires. A couple may need the help of a therapist to help them to open up and communicate their sexual needs and desires. One of my goals is to enable couples to enjoy this potent form of human expression without shame and self-ridicule and to seek love and intimacy in marriage or any long-term relationship.
Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow
What if you feel that you can’t continue in your relationship? Here, counselling can help you as well. Rather than making a bad situation worse, there are skills you can learn to help you to determine whether you need to end your relationship. Together, in a safe and structured way, we can explore whether the love and trust you once felt has been irrevocably replaced by discord, acrimony and loneliness. Sometimes the best outcome may be to explore how you can end your relationship well.
How Can Couples Counselling Help?
Through my work with couples at Relationships Australia and in private practice I have helped many people to nurture and grow a more positive and respectful relationship. I offer a safe place to explore how your core beliefs have been shaped and how they impact your most important relationships. I will show you ways to skillfully resolve relationship problems by becoming aware of who you are and the way you react to what is happening during difficult moments in your relationship. I will also help you to connect with your partner so that you can build a trust filled and hopeful relationship with them. Together we can work towards creating deeper, happier, more fulfilling and authentic relationships.
Wherever you are in the stages of your relationship, my goal is to help you to come to see your relationships as the most rewarding opportunity for your own personal growth and liberation.
Find joy in your relationships and deeper meaning in your life