Healing Trauma Through The Lens of Attachment

Understanding Trauma

We are born with a need for connection. The quality of that connection with our mother, and our other carers, is how we learn to relate to the world, how we learn to feel safe within it. If that safety is kept from us consistently or repeatedly through neglect or through some stronger violation it can reshape the neurological pathways designed for human connection, diverting them towards defensive mechanisms. This shift makes establishing and maintaining healthy relationships challenging for those who have embodied such traumas. However, acknowledging one’s wounded state can also open the gateway to healing, and with appropriate support and guidance lead us toward recovery and reconnection with others and a deeper sense of self.

What is Trauma?

Trauma is fundamentally described as a wound that induces terror and helplessness. Trauma disrupts the anticipated and predictable aspects of both our social experiences and our story of who we are as a person. The impact is particularly severe in relationship traumas. Either the covert trauma of chronic neglect or overt traumas like war and violence, can create an impossible emotional bind, leaving us yearning for comfort and safety while simultaneously fearing the very source of solace, the other person.

Collective trauma is a psychological reactions that permeate entire societies following traumatic events. From historical atrocities like the Holocaust and genocides to contemporary challenges such as the COVID-19 pandemic, these events leave an indelible mark on the collective psyche. Intergenerational trauma impacts both those who experience it, and is transmitted into the unconscious to affect subsequent generations by impacting their worldview without direct exposure to the traumatic events.

Trauma Identity

Trauma shapes a fear-based identity, creating an unstable self-perception that influences how individuals trust themselves and others. Trust becomes a complex terrain, with individuals oscillating between an inability to trust their own minds and an excessive reliance on trust, often stemming from past traumatic encounters.

Focus on Relationship in Trauma Recovery

The core experiences of psychological trauma are disempowerment and disconnection, making the recovery process deeply reliant on rebuilding connections. Relationships become the crucible where survivors rediscover psychological faculties damaged by trauma. However, trust issues and a hesitancy to engage emotionally can present significant challenges in this process.

Transgenerational Trauma and Dialogue

Engaging with transgenerational trauma demands a meaningful dialogue with those who carry a corresponding pre-history. Without this dialogue, the ghosts of the past can morph into persecutory objects, influencing the psyche, politics, and culture. The transformation from being objects of trauma to subjects capable of expressing and tolerating their experiences marks an evolutionary step in the healing process.

Therapy for individuals grappling with transgenerational trauma involves reversing the feelings of humiliation and helplessness passed down through generations. It seeks to connect clients with their primary emotions, granting them permission to experience pleasure and mourn the unmet needs of the past.

Finding Meaning and Trauma Work

The journey through trauma involves finding agency through self-awareness and recognizing that meaning can be a beacon even in the darkest times. Genuine apology, a key element in collective trauma healing, requires acknowledging responsibility, expressing remorse, and committing to a moral awakening.

Letting Go, Forgiveness, and Post Traumatic Growth

There is a difference between letting go and forgiveness that needs to be understood. Letting go involves shedding hurt without altering perceptions, while forgiveness transforms feelings from hurt and anger to compassion. Our healing of our own experience of trauma, both personal and intergenerational, will blossom into post-traumatic growth. What emerges is a new sense of hope, by fostering gratitude, a renewed sense of connection, more clarity in priorities, and the opportunities for effective and lasting personal and vocational change.

The antidote to trauma lies in secure attachment, something that is modelled in a good therapeutic relationship. Learning and experiencing secure attachment will promote integration of the disparate parts of the self so that we become confident and open to new experiences. While trauma threatens a cohesive sense of self, secure connections act as a counterforce, fostering resilience and well-being.

I welcome individuals of all cultures, sexualities, genders and ages.